CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- Who says there aren't any good movie roles for 50-year old women?
Barbie, the timeless, top-heavy blond bombshell who has played more than 100 roles during her half-century career as a doll, is finally making it to the big screen.
Universal Studios announced last week that it had bought the rights to make a live-action movie based on the legendary doll and her numerous incarnations, which have ranged from flight attendant and cheerleader to paleontologist and presidential candidate.
The upcoming Barbie movie follows a trail most recently blazed by G.I. Joe and the Transformers. Laurence Mark, the man who brought us "Jerry Maguire," will produce the Barbie movie, but so far, no details have been released regarding a plot or a cast. With that in mind, I propose the following possibilities -- for a mere half-percent of the movie's domestic gross.
Valley of the Dolls In this remake of the Sharon Tate, Patty Duke and Barbara Parkins classic, an aging Barbie, a strung-out Hannah Montana doll, and a laid-off Cabbage Patch Kid fall on hard times and share a house in the San Fernando Valley. There, they bond as they struggle with their faltering careers, their love lives and their growing dependency on prescription drugs and plastic surgery -- the only type they've ever known.
Hello, Dolly! Barbie moves to a big city and takes on the singing matchmaker role played by Barbra Streisand during the 1969 movie with a similar name and plot.
Mannequin Barbie plays a doll in a toy store window that comes to life only in the presence of its perfectionist maker, portrayed by Matthew McConaughey.
Barbie-Ella Barbie takes on the Jane Fonda role in a remake of the 1968 Roger Vadim sci-fi classic, in which she, in a variety of futuristic, skimpy outfits, travels to the planet Sogo to retrieve Dr. Durand Durand, a scientist capable of saving Earth from some type of threat.
Barbara's Body Barbie stars in a can't miss forumula -- a teenage vampire chick flick in a role patterned after Megan Fox's character in a movie with a similar name.
Widow of Chuckie Good old-fashioned gold-digging wins out over supernatural creepiness, after Barbie, in a moment of weakness, enters -- then rapidly and decisively exits -- a relationship with horror movie doll icon Chuckie.
Kenny Maguire Since Laurence Mark, the man who produced "Jerry Maguire," is in charge of producing the first Barbie movie, he may be tempted to shoot a sequel to his signature film -- only this time using a Ken character as the male lead, rather than Tom Cruise. Show ends as tearful Ken confronts Barbie at a family gathering and tells her, "You complete me -- except for that anatomically incorrect place on my pelvis."
CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- Who says there aren't any good movie roles for 50-year old women?
Barbie, the timeless, top-heavy blond bombshell who has played more than 100 roles during her half-century career as a doll, is finally making it to the big screen.
Universal Studios announced last week that it had bought the rights to make a live-action movie based on the legendary doll and her numerous incarnations, which have ranged from flight attendant and cheerleader to paleontologist and presidential candidate.
The upcoming Barbie movie follows a trail most recently blazed by G.I. Joe and the Transformers. Laurence Mark, the man who brought us "Jerry Maguire," will produce the Barbie movie, but so far, no details have been released regarding a plot or a cast. With that in mind, I propose the following possibilities -- for a mere half-percent of the movie's domestic gross.
Valley of the Dolls In this remake of the Sharon Tate, Patty Duke and Barbara Parkins classic, an aging Barbie, a strung-out Hannah Montana doll, and a laid-off Cabbage Patch Kid fall on hard times and share a house in the San Fernando Valley. There, they bond as they struggle with their faltering careers, their love lives and their growing dependency on prescription drugs and plastic surgery -- the only type they've ever known.
Hello, Dolly! Barbie moves to a big city and takes on the singing matchmaker role played by Barbra Streisand during the 1969 movie with a similar name and plot.
Mannequin Barbie plays a doll in a toy store window that comes to life only in the presence of its perfectionist maker, portrayed by Matthew McConaughey.
Barbie-Ella Barbie takes on the Jane Fonda role in a remake of the 1968 Roger Vadim sci-fi classic, in which she, in a variety of futuristic, skimpy outfits, travels to the planet Sogo to retrieve Dr. Durand Durand, a scientist capable of saving Earth from some type of threat.
Barbara's Body Barbie stars in a can't miss forumula -- a teenage vampire chick flick in a role patterned after Megan Fox's character in a movie with a similar name.
Widow of Chuckie Good old-fashioned gold-digging wins out over supernatural creepiness, after Barbie, in a moment of weakness, enters -- then rapidly and decisively exits -- a relationship with horror movie doll icon Chuckie.
Kenny Maguire Since Laurence Mark, the man who produced "Jerry Maguire," is in charge of producing the first Barbie movie, he may be tempted to shoot a sequel to his signature film -- only this time using a Ken character as the male lead, rather than Tom Cruise. Show ends as tearful Ken confronts Barbie at a family gathering and tells her, "You complete me -- except for that anatomically incorrect place on my pelvis."
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