CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- IT'S nice to be wanted, but 32 invitations to attend a "hard money" conference in Las Vegas and 18 offers to "view pics of Christian singles in your area" in a single day seems a bit excessive.

Despite the efforts of our company-installed filters, firewalls and spam-blockers, scanning my e-mail inbox seems to take longer each day. At least 98 percent of my incoming e-mails are junk, and many of them are repeat offers for the same unwanted product or service. Banking scam attempts by alleged Nigerian oil ministers and their ilk now seem quaint and entertaining.

The e-mail volume is so high and the subject matter is so alien, it makes me wonder what online surveys or offers I've responded to in order to be placed on so many uninteresting sucker lists.

Maybe if I knew what hard money was, I'd be more inclined to travel to Vegas to fine-tune my knowledge of it. To me, all money is hard -- hard to acquire and hard to hold onto. But I don't think that's what the spammers mean.

As for the pics of Christian singles ... I think I'd rather go to Vegas and sneak out of the hard money conference.

I'm also not interested in today's 12 offers to "make a living typing at home," seeing as how I'm already making a borderline living typing at work, the nine offers to receive a "complimentary glucose meter," in light of the fact that I'm not diabetic, or the six offers to take part in a "smokers' survey," since I don't smoke.

In the time I've spent typing these words, I've received two offers to buy tax lien property, two more offers to earn big money typing at home, and my third offer of the day to become a "secret shopper."

Secret shopping wouldn't work for me, since everyone would recognize me at the Cross Lanes Kroger, my only shopping destination.

CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- IT'S nice to be wanted, but 32 invitations to attend a "hard money" conference in Las Vegas and 18 offers to "view pics of Christian singles in your area" in a single day seems a bit excessive.

Despite the efforts of our company-installed filters, firewalls and spam-blockers, scanning my e-mail inbox seems to take longer each day. At least 98 percent of my incoming e-mails are junk, and many of them are repeat offers for the same unwanted product or service. Banking scam attempts by alleged Nigerian oil ministers and their ilk now seem quaint and entertaining.

The e-mail volume is so high and the subject matter is so alien, it makes me wonder what online surveys or offers I've responded to in order to be placed on so many uninteresting sucker lists.

Maybe if I knew what hard money was, I'd be more inclined to travel to Vegas to fine-tune my knowledge of it. To me, all money is hard -- hard to acquire and hard to hold onto. But I don't think that's what the spammers mean.

As for the pics of Christian singles ... I think I'd rather go to Vegas and sneak out of the hard money conference.

I'm also not interested in today's 12 offers to "make a living typing at home," seeing as how I'm already making a borderline living typing at work, the nine offers to receive a "complimentary glucose meter," in light of the fact that I'm not diabetic, or the six offers to take part in a "smokers' survey," since I don't smoke.

In the time I've spent typing these words, I've received two offers to buy tax lien property, two more offers to earn big money typing at home, and my third offer of the day to become a "secret shopper."

Secret shopping wouldn't work for me, since everyone would recognize me at the Cross Lanes Kroger, my only shopping destination.

But maybe if I teamed up with a Christian single, I could go undercover and earn enough hard money to go to Las Vegas.

Beats typing at home.

nn

Last week was a lethal one for American celebrities, as Michael Jackson moonwalked off this mortal coil a day after the departure of Farrah Fawcett.

A third celebrity death was, well, buried under the news of the other two. But that was par for the course for veteran second-banana Ed McMahon, the long-time sidekick for Tonight Show host Johnny Carson.

McMahon once described his Tonight Show gig as "the best job in the world. I got paid to laugh for an hour every night." It was one of television's greatest laughs. And if you think it will be missed, you are correct, sir!