Why is it easier to be accountable to someone else than to yourself? The cumulative effects of busyness can really take its toll.
CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- I got a wakeup call last week when I had a car accident. Nothing serious -- just a fender-bender on the South Side Bridge.
But I know exactly why it happened. I was overscheduled (again) and rushing to get somewhere. After the police visit and exchange of insurance information, I was on my way.
While I didn't make it to that particular appointment, I had something else scheduled that evening. Then I realized I was spiraling out of control -- and canceled the evening activity. Which was great because I was supposed to go out of town the next morning for a wedding in Washington, D.C. But then that trip was canceled, and suddenly I found myself with a whole weekend back in my life. Like manna, I call it "time from heaven."
For me, the gift of time often turns out to be the best possible gift. And I used the extra time to do some serious thinking about why I allow myself to get into these situations. Sound familiar?
One thing that came to mind was a comment I heard several years ago from Erskine Bowles, president of the University of North Carolina, in a commencement speech: "Underpromise and overdeliver." It sounds so simple, yet it made me wonder how and why I'd been doing just the opposite. By taking on too many things -- and scheduling them so closely together -- I wound up overpromising and underdelivering.
All of the rushing around takes its toll, and one way it's manifested for me is with my driving. I've had a lead foot from way back; and when I'm pressured, it gets heavier. So I've decided to heed the wakeup call -- and stop the insanity.
"Life is too long to rush," my friend John told me. And I know this behavior definitely interferes with the quality of life I experience. Which goes against my mantra (and the title of this column) of "living life fully."
So I'm making some adjustments, and it's all about following through on commitments to myself. I've found that I'm extremely dependable and reliable with external situations. When it comes to compromising on commitments to myself, though, I'll squeeze in "just one more thing" that can put me on tilt. And then I crash and burn.
It's not always our fault, though. We live in a world that thrives on busyness. With today's instant global communications, we're in touch with time zones all over the world. Nothing ever stops.
Do you find it's easier to be accountable to someone else than to yourself? I believe it's because we allow ourselves to slide by. But the cumulative effects of this behavior can really mount up. And I dare say most of us wouldn't let someone else down like we've let ourselves down.
So, it's time for an overhaul:
Yellow lights now tell me to stop, rather than speed up.
CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- I got a wakeup call last week when I had a car accident. Nothing serious -- just a fender-bender on the South Side Bridge.
But I know exactly why it happened. I was overscheduled (again) and rushing to get somewhere. After the police visit and exchange of insurance information, I was on my way.
While I didn't make it to that particular appointment, I had something else scheduled that evening. Then I realized I was spiraling out of control -- and canceled the evening activity. Which was great because I was supposed to go out of town the next morning for a wedding in Washington, D.C. But then that trip was canceled, and suddenly I found myself with a whole weekend back in my life. Like manna, I call it "time from heaven."
For me, the gift of time often turns out to be the best possible gift. And I used the extra time to do some serious thinking about why I allow myself to get into these situations. Sound familiar?
One thing that came to mind was a comment I heard several years ago from Erskine Bowles, president of the University of North Carolina, in a commencement speech: "Underpromise and overdeliver." It sounds so simple, yet it made me wonder how and why I'd been doing just the opposite. By taking on too many things -- and scheduling them so closely together -- I wound up overpromising and underdelivering.
All of the rushing around takes its toll, and one way it's manifested for me is with my driving. I've had a lead foot from way back; and when I'm pressured, it gets heavier. So I've decided to heed the wakeup call -- and stop the insanity.
"Life is too long to rush," my friend John told me. And I know this behavior definitely interferes with the quality of life I experience. Which goes against my mantra (and the title of this column) of "living life fully."
So I'm making some adjustments, and it's all about following through on commitments to myself. I've found that I'm extremely dependable and reliable with external situations. When it comes to compromising on commitments to myself, though, I'll squeeze in "just one more thing" that can put me on tilt. And then I crash and burn.
It's not always our fault, though. We live in a world that thrives on busyness. With today's instant global communications, we're in touch with time zones all over the world. Nothing ever stops.
Do you find it's easier to be accountable to someone else than to yourself? I believe it's because we allow ourselves to slide by. But the cumulative effects of this behavior can really mount up. And I dare say most of us wouldn't let someone else down like we've let ourselves down.
So, it's time for an overhaul:
Yellow lights now tell me to stop, rather than speed up.
It really takes 15 minutes to get from downtown Charleston to the upper end of Kanawha City, rather than the 10 minutes I usually allot.
Contingencies need to be built in -- especially while our bridges are being repaired.
Cut down on that cell phone usage while driving!
Once I master these new behaviors (easier said than done), I'll add some more. It's all about integration and repetition. When we set out to make wholesale changes, we often set ourselves up for disappointment. Baby steps point the way.
Looking at the situation another way, sometimes we continue with our busyness to escape dealing with other things -- that project we're putting off, an unresolved relationship, a cluttered household.
Author Arlie Russell Hochschild, a professor of sociology at the University of California-Berkeley, puts it so eloquently: "It's easy to fool ourselves, even when we have a lurking sense that we're doing so. Why? Perhaps we don't want to believe our staying too busy might be a cushion that protects us from the two things that scare us: silence and ourselves. But what would happen if we stopped and became a little less fearful of what we're feeling?"
Or, to put it another way, here's my favorite quote of the week from Gina P.: "She who rides the tiger is afraid to dismount."
Linda Arnold, MBA, is a certified wellness instructor and chairwoman and CEO of The Arnold Agency, an advertising, public-relations and government-relations firm. Reader inquiries may be directed to Linda Arnold, The Arnold Agency, 117 Summers St., Charleston, WV 25301, or e-mailed to livinglifefu...@arnoldagency.com.
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